Damnit, Dennis

He was my ex-husband, the father to my only child…he was my best friend. He’s gone now.  In an instant, he was here and then he just vanished from this world.  This Blog is for him —but it’s also for myself. It is one of many outlets.  Dennis was my best friend.  I counted on him to always be around to help me in oh so many ways.  Now I am alone and trying to do the best that I can and be the best that I can be.  That’s hard.  Life was hard with Dennis but it’s even harder without him.  I still have his voice on the answering machine and I have a little box he gave me where I put small things that connect us and remind me of better times.  I’ve never missed anyone so much in my life.

He died at my son’s apartment.  Alex has Asperger’s and is Bi-Polar but we were working to help him become an independent adult because obviously, nothing and no one lasts forever.  I was 35 and Dennis was 36 when we had him and Alex is an only child.  It was important to prepare him for a future without us.  He’d had his own apartment at Public Housing, thanks to a disability-check and had been living there since he turned 18.  He was 21 when his father died…right there in his living room. Alex had to pull his father by the legs to move him away from the door where he fell just to let the paramedics and police inside…but it was too late.

I watched them wheel him away. That was the last time I ever saw him and that sight will haunt me forever.  I try not to think about the early hours of November 15, 2011.

Dennis was only 58.  I can’t believe he’s gone….

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