We live our lives. Then we die…inbetween a story is told. We all have our stories to tell, our lessons to learn and the lessons to teach. There are as many stories as there are mysteries in our lives -a number beyond numbers where we travel thru time and become memories and always remaining, possibilities unfulfilled….no doubt, there is reason to this sometimes painful process when we go through the Looking Glass and find ourselves in this world. Our stories are timeless and endless and ultimately fulfilling.
I think of Dennis often. I relive his life as I know it thru my mind and see some sense to the senseless. I am still at a loss and the hole is vast but little by little, as I try to fill it, I find new treasures that I’d have otherwise not have found. What really hurts, though is the loss of possibilities left in the absence of those who no longer live here. It is the loss of connection beyond time, beyond this world. We can bring them back through our memories and thru their stories that are never-ever lost to our heart. Somewhere in my mind I am reminded of the lyrics, “tears to make us grow”…is this what it feels like to grow? To remember? Dammit Dennis, I can’t pick up the phone and call you and tell you how much I need you. I can’t tell you that you were the love of my life! You were my best friend and I didn’t always treat you right. I can’t even tell you how sorry I am except thru projected conversations that wander the Universe in search of you. I’m standing down here, mending my heart and I imagine you free and of greater understanding I’ll ever know if I could think of you for a thousand years. Someday…..yes, someday, we will follow. Someday we will face the great unknown behind it all. Yet I am still learning from you even though you have passed…there is life after death —if only in our all too brief lives together. While the lessons are passed on so are the stories in our heads. I’d need another lifetime or two or thousands of thousands to process it all.
The emptiness is being slowly filled with things that honor your memory. Life goes on and life is a complicated Bitch! I carry on and the memories stay with me tucked forever in my heart. I can’t say good-by to someone I still learn from everyday. I had to let you go but never will I let your memory cease.